Carousel
by amUous
Summary: Emma feels like everyone is walking away...


**In all honesty? I don't know.**

**It's a bunch of gibberish.**

**I can't make sense of it, but I actually WROTE SOMETHING so here...**

**I guess.**

* * *

"I feel like everyone is walking past me. They all have this goal in mind, this destination set and they are all on their way there and I am just standing there watching them walk by."

Emma sighed as she finished the sentence and let herself fall back on the couch.

It really was such a comfortable couch, she could come here and sit on it for hours at a time not saying a thing just enjoying sitting there.

She wasn't sure if that was proof that the couch really was amazing or that she really did not like talking.

"I know what you are gonna say," she started, running her fingers through her hair, "Or maybe I don't know but I can take a guess. And no I am not going anywhere, I am not moving forward, advancing in any way. It's not like I am comparing myself to them and finding what I have lacking. I am not heading in the right direction at my own pace, I am not going anywhere."

Emma scratched at a scab on her finger.

She held her hand above her and inspected the wound.

It had been healing for a while now, but she never really let it. She liked picking at it when she was meant to sit still. She needed something to do with her hands.

She stared at her outstretched hand a minute more before she stood and walked towards the exit.

There was no protest from her companion.

There wouldn't be.

But still she paused at the door.

"You know what it is?"

She turned and sat back down.

"It's like for 28 years I wasn't really going anywhere but I was moving, always moving. Never knew where but I knew I was going. And don't give me any bullshit about destiny having brought me to Storybrooke cause that does not help. That is where it started, or for me stopped,"she pulled at the sleeves of her jacket and shook her head, "You guys were cursed, you guys had 28 years of staying in one place…or well I guess you guys thought you were moving." Emma stared at the ceiling.

"I guess it was like a carousel for you guys you know? You were on the horses it seemed like you were going somewhere but in reality you were going in circles and the world was passing you by. And here I come…getting dragged into this, and to me I don't see a problem it seems like a god damn normal carousel but you are all stuck and so I fix it or whatever and you guys all suddenly spring up off your horses and ride off into your lives and just point a finger . Shouting thanks over your shoulders while you point me off in the direction of the mean ol witch that's been haunting you and just expect me to do something about it. And ok. Then I am I am doing something, but then she isn't the evil witch you guys paint her out to be, she was stuck just as much as you were and she has also started moving forward and I am stuck on this damn carousel watching you all walk away or ride away into your lives without a second glance back. And everyone expects me to stick around till they need me again. Some savior I am going nowhere on a plastic horse."

Emma cradled her head in her hands and shook her head.

"That made no sense, sorry."

There was a cough and several murmurs on the other side of the door to her right and Emma wished that the waiting room was somewhere down the hall from the doctor's office. So that she could talk to the doctor without worrying of being heard through the door.

She laughed then, because she never really got that far.

She looked across the room to her quiet companion.

"Good listener as always aren't ya?"

Emma smiled as she called Pongo over, "Maybe I should get myself a dog, do you think that will make me feel any better?"

Pongo barked and wagged his tail.

Emma laughed and shook her head, "Maybe then I could just talk to it instead of making the trip to this office each week only to leave without talking to Archie huh?"

Pongo licked her hand and Emma shook her head, "That's my cue to leave, nice talking to you boy. Same time next week?"

Emma heard Pongo bark one last time as she walked out the door and the sound only made her walk away quicker, knowing Archie would be checking why Pongo was barking.

When she opens the door and steps out in the open she is immediately greeted by several pedestrians.

Emma watches them go.

It always feels like everyone is walking away.

Not from her, not always, but they are all going somewhere, somehow Emma sees it in them.

Not entirely a life with purpose, but with a goal.

Maybe it's just that real world itch coming back, she thinks.

She has been in Storybrooke a few years, and she is used to moving around.

She looks at the badge on her hip.

Wondering if anyone would question her work experience as sheriff in a town that doesn't show up on most maps.

She stares at her bug parked down the road and thinks about it.

Sure she would have to leave some stuff behind.

She had collected more belonging than she would care to take with her if she left.

But where would she go.

Any friends, or acquaintances she had before Storybrooke will have forgotten about her by now.

After only a minute she was already sorting out everything in her head.

With how much experience she had on the matter she had all the details sorted in no time.

She ran her finger along her badge.

A new start might do her good.

She eyed the rusting bug, maybe even a new car.

New life.

"Interesting way to spend your day off sheriff," a smooth voice brought Emma down from her short lived fantasy, "Are you thinking of ways to destroy that monstrosity of your? If so I have a few ideas."

Regina looked up at her with a playful gleam in her eyes and Emma chuckled.

"Not today Mayor Mills," she smiled knowing it irritated Regina when she used that old title on her.

Regina's eyebrow twitched slightly and Emma understood it as a silent question, which she ignored.

She glanced over to Archie's door where the therapist was standing talking to Henry as he played with Pongo.

"Thinking bout getting a dog actually."

She watched as Henry looked up at her and waved.

He didn't run to her anymore, there weren't crazy late night talks on their walkie talkies about which hero could beat the other. No more sneaking out for ice cream. She had done her job as savior. The novelty had worn off the moment he became prince and knight of the White kingdom.

A bit young Emma thought, but even Regina hadn't argued. The rules were different there.

She heard him shout to Regina about heading back to the enchanted forest.

She merely waved at him over her shoulder.

"Are Pongo's rates too high dear?"

Emma's eyes stayed on Henry as he walked away.

He had barely glanced her way before leaving.

She wondered if maybe she should be more hurt by the action.

"Emma?"

The blonde looked to Regina and nodded slightly, giving the brunette her full attention.

"You do know you can always talk to me."

Emma glanced down to see Regina's fingers twitch slightly, their unspoken agreement of not touching still hanging over them even after the battle between good and evil had ended.

Back then they only ever hurt each other. Often ending in blows when there was no one there to stop them. Always over something stupid, until one day something had changed and neither was willing to throw the first punch anymore.

After that, they just never touched.

As Regina fidgeted in front of her, Emma wondered, not for the first time, what it might be like to have those hands hold hers.

She eyed Henry's disappearing form in the distance.

Knowing she was waiting for him to walk to her again, he was the one that got her on the carousel and she was waiting for him to help her find a way off.

She shook her head, wondering where the damn carousel had come in.

"Emma?"

Emma took a deep breath and grabbed Regina's hand, ignoring the faint gasp she heard from the other woman.

"Let's go get lunch yea?"

She turned towards the diner, sparing one last glance over her shoulder where she knew Henry was walking through the portal, and let out a slow breath.

When she felt fingers tighten around her she faced forward again, trying not to stare too much at the slight blush on Regina's cheeks, while feeling her own reddening.


End file.
